Living in the sun...

So I had come on the computer with full intention of getting "caught up" on all things Autumn, but I got sidetracked on another thing, and only have so much emotional writing in me for one night ;) However, I felt the desire to write a little bit on life in Arizona. When Chris and I first told our world we were moving out west, we got some crazy looks. Like we had sprouted 2 extra heads in the middle of the night kind of looks. Going from a drastically cold climate to a scalding hot one is kind of nuts, I suppose. I mean there were a few valid points; "in the cold you can always add layers, but there are only so many you can take off" this was and still is something that still rings in my ears as truth. And up until a few months ago I had thought they were all right and planned to move back east eventually. But as the days go by, and I watch my little pixie run through the grass on a hot May day, I can totally see myself raising a family out here....Something happens when you become a parent, you change! You hear about the change, you see the change, but you never fully accept that it can happen to you...until it does! I was so sad and miserable and lonely my pregnancy, I hated life and believed life hated me back. But becoming a mother has really opened my mind and heart and has forced me to reexamine myself as a person. I have been able to tap into a deep place within my soul, one where there is peace and pure contentment. Now, I wont get too hippy dippy on you, but it has made me see things in a whole new light and appreciate everything this life has given me. And one of those things is living in Arizona. Every day I find one more thing I love and one less thing I hate about our current home state. Eventually we will buy a cute little place in New England and become snowbirds, or buy a huge farm in Oregon and live completely off the land, but that is after we win the power ball...:) For now I really love having a small space just big enough for our family to grow one more, in this beautiful environment where every morning I can expect to go outside and be greeted with the sun on my face :)


Here are a few photos of our very laid back day at home...

Finding treasures for the nature bucket :

Tela loves to play with the ball, all day, everyday :)

One a break from our walk:

Playing Catch Up...

Today is my little Pixie's 14th month birthday. And boy does that make me wish I had father time on my side. I started this blog a bit late and in order to finally toss all the post-its that hold little A's accomplishments I have decided to record them all here, so the next several posts will just be me playing catch up and reminiscing over times had with my beautiful little girl over this past year, including all of her stats along the way :)

One new thing that she started doing on command is smiling. It is so sweet. The first time she smiled when I asked, I could barely contain my tears, I had no idea she even knew what a smile was. It is still a work in progress, but it is so darn cute, I just had to share one of her first camera smiles :)

A healthy baby...

A few weeks ago Autumn was sick. It lasted less than 48 hours, but it was a scary 48 hours with a fever that peaked at 104.2. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink, all she wanted to do was nurse. It made me realize how thankful I was to have pushed through all the difficulties, pain and lonliness of being a breastfeeding mother, if only for times like these. Autumn is rarely sick and it never lasts long, but when she is I am happy that I still nurse because then I know that no matter what she is getting the absolute best medicine.

The following are a few of my favorite breastfeeding memories :)

Poop!

Yes poop is making me happy today, and let's be honest, it makes everyone happy. However today I had a really fun experience concerning poop. So our little pixie has been signing since she was 8 months, around 11 months she learned the sign for poop and started doing it everytime after she would poop, then she started making the sign while she was going and for the last couple weeks she has been signing for it right before she goes. I always think to myself "I should just take her to the toilet" but I never do. Well, today I did! It was super fun and very successful! Chris was playing fooseball in the garage with a friend and I started banging on the wall and screaming his name as if I had won the lottery. The joys in parenthood are sometimes absolutely hilarious!

Friendship...

I have the most amazing friends in all the world! No lie! The beauty and strength in these women just leave me with a sense of awe whenever I am around them...

Now it seems that making friends comes easy to me and I have been blessed with some of the kindest most amazing people who I am privledged to call my friend, however, it didn't used to be like that. I have a wonderful group of forever friends that I grew up with. We bonded over our love of dance and music and ability to act like complete goofballs together. But when it came to school, I never quite fit in. And what I regret most was never truly being myself back then. But, thankfully I figured out how ridiculous it was trying to be someone other than who I was just to fit in and after getting sick of being misunderstood I let that all go, and started focusing on me, on life, on love. I met the most wonderful man and moved with him across the country, the scariest and greatest thing I ever did! Although I miss my Buffalo loves, I know we will always be each others extended family and look forward to growing old together. Thank you T, G, E, K and M for being such important people in my life. The road I have been on has not always been an easy one, but with out you it would not have been fun either. I owe each of you so much and love you all unconditionally.

My core group of friends out here are some of the funniest and  awesome chicks I have ever known! The times I have spent with these women are never anything short of amazing! From talking shallow or deep the conversations are always nurturing and I don't know how I could ever live without them! We have been together for quite sometime and as we transition from the crazy partyers in our 20's to the fabulous mothers and wifes in our 30's I feel so full of light and love knowing I have these beauties in my life. So to my girls A, K, J, and L, my AZ family, I thank you for always being by my side on this journey, I am so grateful for each and every one of you and know that our friendship is true and will last the ever changing test of time! I also truly love and appreciate my dear K, J and L and wish more time could be spent with these radiant women. I know our lives can sometimes get the better of us and that we will always be able to come back to each other as if no time at all has passed. I am forever grateful to the 2 of you as well!

Now on to my mom friends. The women who have made me realize that AZ is truly where I am meant to be. The women who have shared their diapers, wipes, tears, fears, joys, depressions, confessions, advice and love with me and my daughter. In this short year I have made some of the best friendships of my entire life. Ones that I have no doubt will be everlasting. I cannot be more grateful of these women's presence in my life and I constantly am in disbelief that I get the honor to be in these women's lives as we raise our children together. Some I know because our parenting styles are similar, some because our entire families get along so well, and some because they are just so admirable! I am inspired on a daily basis and my social life has never been so fulfilling :) Words truly do not do how I feel about these moms imprint in my life justice. One of these wonderful souls mentioned how lucky she felt knowing that her daughter was going to be surrounded by all these amazing role models. That was something I had never thought of before, and now think of frequently. I am so blessed to have such strong, passionate and beautiful women surrounding my daughter and myself. What a wonderful way to raise a little girl! So a big thank you goes out to my closest moms, A, K, C, A, L, N, D, L, T, A, and S whose kindness for me and my daughter is so appreciated. You make it so easy for me to be the greatest mom to my little pixie that I possibly can be.

I am definitely one VERY lucky lady :)

A one year old...

I am the mother of a one year old little girl!!! And boy is she a little girl! The way she twirls, dances and "sings". The way she looks at herself in the mirror and says "pretty" whenever she puts on headbands or dresses, her crazy obsession with shoes. Oh what fun she is! I swear I cannot go more than 15 minutes without laughing during a day with her. It is so crazy to me that a little over one month ago she turned one. Its funny to me when other moms say "I don't even remember what it was like before I was a mom" while caressing their 5 month old. I for one do remember my life before her, but what I cannot remember is what it is like to not love her. Even though she has only been here for one of my twenty eight years, it feels as if I have always known her, that she has always been with me. Maybe that's because we fit so well together, that the love just flows so easily as if its always been. She really is so easy to love, with her giggles and squeals. The way she will sit in her reading nook for so long just flipping through her books. The way she LOVES to dance as if something inside her just bursts out whenever she hears music. How she will come up and give you a hug and a kiss, completely unprovoked, just because she wants to. I am truly a blessed woman to have such a love able soul as my daughter. The craziness that is motherhood is so worth just one of her smiles in the morning. So what if I don't sleep for a stretch longer than 2 hours, or that my shower doesn't get used as often as before. Who cares that I went to the store with 2 different flip flops on while wearing 2 pairs of sunglasses. Is it really that big of a deal that laundry is attacking my bedroom, and I haven't gotten a pedicure in months. Of course not. I am the mother of a toddler, my life will be a crazy mess until I no longer hold that title. And until that time comes, I will just keep on laughing and learning through all of the ups and downs that come along with being a first time mom to a very active, high need, beautiful little girl.

The following are a few photos from her first birthday...

And this is a favorite...

...a birth journey...

A year ago at this time my amazing husband and wonderful Doula were helping through the most life changing and empowering night of my life! I'm really anxious to share my birth story here, but until then, I will leave you with a favorite picture of mine from that beautiful night...now if only I could find the rest of them :)